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# Re: Orgasm! a few practical thoughts Written by Robin at 08 Feb 2006 19:16:33: As an answer to: Re: Never Had An Orgasm! (23 year-old male) written by Robin at 02 Feb 2006 21:03:55: Hi Dave, you do seem a litle bit frustrated by it all, I have this saying that losing your head is far worse than losing your erection ... so lets get the perspective right, we are considering male initiation - this means to me at present, confronting the situation in a cool calm manner and try to win the battle ... and get a feather for the head band because we have surmounted an impossible difficulty ... I fully agree it would be easier to fast for a week or steal a horse to acheive the cultures recognition, but our modern initiations are just more private and chaotic ... and the culture isnt very interested ... First I want to tackle this orgasm question. I dont know the official answer. When I was young, it was sort of understood among us that men didnt have orgasms - some did have orgasm, but this was a bonus and not necessarily "normal" - it was also understood that women had these mysterious orgasms, ... since then I discovered some women have an ejaculate (a fine spray from the clitoris) ... it seems this is also a bonus and not necessarily normal for women. I am answering a bit out of my depth, in that I dont get many questions on orgasm ... and havent really researched it ... but throughout my years Ive had nothing to disagree with this idea that men dont automatically have orgasms. I dont even know if what I get is an orgasm, Im sorry but Ive rarely discussed it with anyone. I experience a beating which travels up my spine, it is a very nice experience but I dont know if this is a classical male orgasm. As I said in the last letter I can achieve this by holding back on the ejacultion, - not coming, or at least not coming straight away ... When I was younger, the beating in my spine used to happen all the time and even if I came ... so I presume this is simply potency and libido which slacken off later in life (Im 53 now). I just have to generalise and guess with this question, but we also often hear that for women who dont orgasm, its a question of relaxation, they must learn to relax, ... lets face it - you are very unrelaxed ... So I guess its not inevitable that men orgasm, and I also feel that if they all did, you still wouldnt, simply because you are so het up and frustrated and unrelaxed. Lets get now one step deeper, in that one could well expect someone to be frustrated and fucked up if they have a FRUSTRATING ANATOMICAL CONDITION. I hope you follow my point, its simple and practical, if my leg hurts or feels funny, I worry I am frustrated and then I run badly ... PARTLY I say that your mental frustration is to be expected with your condition - and its history ... let us recap, you have had several months stretching (why? usually it takes 2 weeks ... do you have diabetes or some other infection which makes the stretching slower with your phimotic ring?) And then something long forgotten must have happened for your "adhesion - skinbridge" to develop - - and it was probably painful -- the epithelial layer must have been ripped apart. A note here to Adhesions. I believe you use the word correctly but there is an incredible mix up over "adhesions" - skin bridges or acrochordons --- and "adhesions" the epithelial layer naturally occuring between foreskin and glans. So you have a history of frustrating conditions and events, and it would be rather remarkable if you were completely unmoved emotionally by these events and conditions. I dont know if we can do anything directly about the lack of orgasm (there must be other mens forums online where you would get a response from a few more people rather than just my experience ... try it and then feed your energy positively and tell me what the answer is ...) What seems essential is that we correct the basic anatomical "left overs" of this frustration, namely the skin bridge. I have this theory that the skinbridge which would probably have developed in the flaccid state (without erection) does not expand as much as the surrounding foreskin or the glans or the coronal ridge of the glans. I imagine that this is causing some of the tightness you describe, developing more tension as you get more erect. I theorise that you clench your muscles based on the tension you experience (to some extent). As I understand it you have a sheet of a skin bridge between your inner foreskin to underneath the glans, and I have several questions for you. - I need to understand your condition better. Skin bridges are the most varying condition altogether, for example, the phimotic ring and the frenulum are always in the same places, but skin bridges can be anywhere, and any size. I must say a picture or two would be really helpful, sent to my personal mail address (to avoid spam my mail address is in the forum moderator page on this forum or on my contact.html). Is this really a skinbridge or is it a fibrotic epithelium??? Are you sure that there is no frenulum? could the skinbridge simply be covering the frenulum? If this is a skinbridge then it should bridge over a hollow space - Is there a hollow space between the bridge and the shaft/glans ? I feel I need a detailed anatomical description of your condition. .... Maybe Im too influenced by my personal wishes to understand the condition ... I believe whatever we discover the outcome will be the same, ie. that you must visit a surgeon and get the bridge cut through. This anatomical correction seems the priority, with this frustrating condition, every time you masturbate you reinforce the tension ... and in my opinion thereby reinforce the frustration. I believe once the skinbridge is removed then, for the first time in your life, you would have no practical anatomical basis for your frustration. So, I actually strongly recommend - you come down to cold anatomical realities, give me a detailed explanation - youre trying to run the car without oil - its squeeking and creaking and under stress ... lets do the practical maintenance first ... Cheers Robin __________________________________________________________________- Written by Dave at 30 Jan 2006 23:50:03: Please help! This is going to sound really fucked up, this is the situation I find myself in! I really do need advice! I have never had an orgasm in my life. I masterbate frequently, and I CAN ejaculate and experience a little pleasure from, but I definately do not orgasm. This has affected my relationships in the past in a big way, in fact it's affected my life in a pretty big way. I feel so depressed about it as you can imagine. When I was younger I had phimosis. Through many months of stretching I managed to make it retractable. Now though, I have realised the foreskin is bonded directly to the glans (no frenulum). When I masterbate, I get very turned on to start with, but it seems that the more turned on I get the tighter and tighter the bond gets and it seems to cause the ejaculatory reflex on each tug (ie. the muscles at the base of the penis clench really hard). This seems to prevent me ever reaching intense please or an orgasm. It's almost like the pleasure is reset when the muscles are clenched, yet I am still turned on and frustrated. I can finish myself off by clenching the muscles at the base and furiously wanking, resulting in ejaculation but no orgasm. This really REALLY gets me down. I dont know what to do!! Has anyone ever experienced this? Has anyone else ever had phimosis with an adhesion where the fenulum should be? What I don't understand is that people who have phimosis seem to have no trouble reaching climax. But for me, its like I need to have the foreskin sliding over the glans to get pleasure - yet this is what ultimately causes the pain and ejaculatory reflex. Any advice greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!! Dave Answers: